Monday, January 11, 2010

One mob at a time please...

If anyone knows me even a little bit, they would tell you I'm an incredibly laid back guy. And if you know me even better, you'd know that it takes quite a bit to get me pissed off. But when people say and do things that are so far away from intelligent that it makes you wince, I tend to get pretty annoyed. Especially when said offender repeats these offenses several times. Now when I'm puging the new heroics I know what kind of gamble I'm taking. But there is a limit that even the patient dwarf has.

Since I don't like waiting around in a queue for fifteen minutes, I tend to tank most heroics. So it's common practice of mine to inspect my healers gear to know how fast I can pull mobs. I knew it was going to be a painfully slow Forge of Souls when saw some gear so bad he'd have a hard time healing ten man Naxx. Since I'm a nice guy I didn't want to vote kick him, but my mouse was hovering over the option for a moment. Little did I know, the healer wasn't the problem.

So things get started, I pulled the first two mobs and the amazing happens. The mage in our group dies. I laugh it off to the fact that he probably killed himself to the spell reflects. Healer tosses a rez and we get moving. Next pull, I laugh a little bit more when our little mage friend dies again, almost instantly this time. I was a little confused why he died so fast that time, that is until I checked the combat logs. The little fucker started casting before I had pulled the mobs. And what does he say while lying on his back counting the tiles? "WTF? Again?" I delicately pointed out that if he felt like pulling the mobs it was bound to happen. He denied the fact that he pulled the mobs, but it's hard to ague against combat logs. I had thought the worst was behind us, but the fun was only getting started.

What my little mage buddy said next was perhaps the dumbest thing I've heard uttered in game. "Hey tank, stop pulling so many mobs!" Slightly confused I responded, "Uhh, what?" Certainly he didn't think I was pulling too many mobs? I was pulling them one group at a time, like any tank would if his healer wasn't that geared. "Pull them one mob at a time please!" Now here is where I started to get pissed. "And how do you propose I do that assclown? I pull one mob and the whole group comes with." The other members of the group backed me up and we slowly continued through the dungeon. "ONE MOB AT A TIME PLEASE!" Did he really just say that? Did he not see four people just tell him it is physically impossible to pull only one mob when my dps seem to lack the mental capacity to understand how cc works. "Listen jackass, I already told you, we can't pull ONE MOB AT A TIME. So just shut the fuck up and stop dying." Luckily he got the hint and shut up, he even managed to stay alive for one pull, but only one.

Just when I think his stupidity can't get any worse he proves me wrong, again. We've made it to the first boss. Not a hard fight at all. Before pulling the boss I do a quick glance over the party and notice my healer's mana is under 50%. The dps wasn't stellar so I gave him a chance to fill his mana pool back up. Oh but what's this? Our mage thought that since he was ready it was totally cool to pull the boss. This was right after face pulling a group of mobs, and succeeding in wiping the group. So I did what every smart tank would do in that situation. Let the boss kill the dumb ass then taunt him. He pissed and moaned the rest of the fight while taking a dirt nap.

The rest of the run was pretty much the same too. He'd face pull and die, or attack a mob before I charged in and die. I think my only bit of revenge the group got as a whole was during the Devourer of Souls fight. No one stopped damage when he cast Mirrored Soul on him. And the healer stopped wasting mana on him after the first boss. I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't vote kick the bastard was I got too much enjoyment out of watching a gnome mage die over and over. So please, anyone reading this, if you're a douche bag don't expect the tank or the healer to save your life. No one cares if a douche bag dies.


  1. Indeed! Good words my friend. I agree with you. Funny story :)

  2. Bravo on the link at the end. Priceless!